Feb. 10th
I don't why I keep having subtly disturbing dreams. This morning, I had a dream that I was depositing a bag of my dog's dead body (with tissues of blood inside) to the funeral parlor. I was getting choked up, even though it seemed to have happened weeks ago. They had me sign some papers and scheduled it for a Sunday in July. I was thinking in my dream that it was a long time to have a dead body lying around, and if they did taxidermy.
I also had some faint dreams of going to India and not really having a good time. I was waiting for a girl to pick me up in a taxi, but had to pay my own way. We went to visit a friend who had a yard with lots of stubbly weeds and ants, which were crawling all over my feet. The scenery looked oddly like what's in my dreams of NYC, although more of a countryside instead. I'm trying to remember more now, but it keeps flickering in and out. I know there's something else that happened, I just can't grasp it right now. Maybe it'll come to me later when I least expect it, which is usually the case.
It also reminds me of another dream I had a few weeks ago, where I was at this thrift shop where all my grandma's old things were being sold. We were trying to buy them back (I don't know if she was still around.) They had an old train car that was furnished to look like the 40s, and there were some of her old clothes, shoes and a wardrobe inside. We were finding her old dresses and rolling up a big carpet or comforter. The first thing I had spotted that was hers was a box that had her name engraved in it, with a picture I recognized on the front.
Labels: ants, death, dog, family, train, travel
Wednesday, Jan. 26thAt that point I woke up and I felt horrible fright. The murderous rampage in my dream had given me this feeling of horror, and the death had made me heavy with grief. It took a couple of moments for me to realize it wasn't real, but even so the affects still lingered. I felt a visceral fear.
The first one, I was buying this moped...then I somehow ended up in this room where a guy was doing a sex tape with a girl. He ended up raping her, then skinning her. He went after me and the other people there with two saw blades, and we were trying to block him. We killed him and his body was dumped in the garbage.
To make things worse, there was a point in the dream where I found out my little sister had died of some disease or condition, and they had saved her bones in a paper bag. My mom had been reminiscing on the songs she used to sing when she was still alive.
I had another dream this morning that my work was having this get together after the day was done - I decided to go, as they promised it was like a YMCA club, where we could play poker and other games, and relax. The place looked cool. We walked there and someone turned on a shitty projector into this backyard lot. A bright green or yellow cot, shaped like a giant jelly bean, was on the lawn with another bench. It was boring, and to top it off we had to sleep outside. I was pissed that I had been dragged into it, and was worried about what time I would get home. I asked what time it was currently in the dream, and someone said 8:15. I then spent another few moments fixing the cot, as it's spandex cushion had detached from the sides (like that of a trampoline.)
Labels: death, fear, murder, nightmares, sleep
Week of Feb. 21st
- Me being upset that my friend (who sort of looked like Brittany Murphy and also an old friend of mine) had committed suicide my slitting her wrists. I was back in time to tell my friends in order to go to where she worked at a brothel as a bartender to talk her out of it
- flooding in nyc, went to meet ryan, but mom and i got stuck in flood. we got inside a bucket and floated out to the harbor where we were swept up under the Verrazno bridge. It was cold, creepy and dark (could see rusty udnerside of bridge). I was afraid we would get lost out further so we managed to get to a shore of Hempstead/Homeade, NY where I fished my phone out of the waterlogged purse and called Ryan to tell him of our adventure. He said he had found the Twin Peaks movie "Fire Walk With Me" Special Edition, but it was a whopping $80.
- dream about a crazy movie called "The Street" where a girl is being tested as to whether she's worthy of marrying a man by an evil witch: she's confronted by a man who gets gradually younger and more handsome as time goes on, a witch's odd voice, at one point start spitting out a hoard of bugs out; at the end of the dream it turns out it's a DVD my dad is trying to watch and it has been reviewed badly by Siskel and Ebert; also at some point in the dream there was a party at someone's house (very white rooms) in the UK where everyone was getting drunk
Labels: death, drunk, film, flood, nyc, suicide
Morning of March 22, 2008
Here is how the dream started (or so I remember...): I was running down our street with Lili and some other people, and we were being bombarded by footballs. We were covering our heads and trying not to get hit. When we to home we told mom that it was some guy, and she wanted to find him and reprimand him, but i was afraid because he was kind of weird, and i thought he would try to do something rash. he drove by in a hess truck and we all scattered. he gave us a really weird look. from there, we were visiting H who lived in aunt P and uncle A’s old house. she was telling us about the spaceship on her roof, and had this little robot dog thing that was kind of cute. then we were hanging up clothes when aunt P and uncle A really did show up. at some point in the dream i was at an apartment building and showing cell phone videos of me floating/flying to cousin M, and then on the apartment roof there was a guy who was really happy that he had found out how to ricochet tennis balls off of the wall as they shot out of the cannon thing.
then i was caught up in the corleone family: there was a kid who was sitting next to these two guys, pulled out a gun and shot them. they were trying to figure out who it was. he was this other family’s kid. he was lost in the amount of people going by. i was one of the sisters, and he was trying to get me and my sister to go to his party, and i suppose he was expecting one of us to be his wife. i think at some point he mentioned that she was one who would be great to sleep with, and i would be great to spend life with. i scoffed at his advances. we were all going into this truck, but we had to make sure this little dog stayed in it. then we all got in. we drove to this store where these weird antiques were sold by an aunt. i was looking at them and getting a weird feeling when this guy said something and i turned around and it was christian bale. he said he was just a servant, and walked away. i couldnt find him again. we all ran back into the truck just in time. then we all scattered.
i went into this house that had an eerie feeling. turned out it was where we were all going to enter the underworld (in other words die). cerberus, the dog, followed us in, and started eating some of the people, then he came to our room, and commanded us to put our heads on the ground under this bone rack so he could slit our throats. i was crying and afraid, because he had to shove these needle gloves in us to keep us from squirming. one of his minions felt bad so he tried to help me shove them in. apparently then I died without going through that torture, and I followed the rest of these dead people into this door which led to a bunch of rooms. one with disappearing walls/stairs i had to climb over, then to this mirror and an elevator. the people in the elevator told me where to go. it opened up to this arcade room, with games and other dead people. it was really busy. little imaginary ghouls kept clutching my legs and crotch and chest, and wouldnt let go. i saw I there and we did this weird dance mimicking a tv show people were watching, i was having an okay time until i saw that there was this warehouse where you could go and see old photographs of yourself from when you were alive. it was arranged by date. for some reason, i wanted to go to 1961 to find my mom, but i ended up looking for mine. a lot of them were just wooden frames, from the middle ages. when i came open my box, it was a note i had written my mom with a zort drawn on it, and a discarded (looked like a hard drive) box where i had written stuff, including members of my family. it got me so nostalgic that i started crying and i spent all my time looking for more, cause i wanted to see if i could save them before they went in the garbage. then i took a shower, and when i came out, everyone was gone.
i had stayed in too long and now i was lost. i had no clothes; i was just wearing a towel. i saw other dead people walking around like homeless people without clothes. all i could do was try to marry someone so i would be taken care of. i stumbled upon this guy (looked like a famous comedian) who had been reincarnated into an elk, and he thought i had been reincarnated into a cow. he ordered a bunch of food, like bugs, which i had to eat. then barney rubble and betty rubble came over (only in live action form) as if we were the flinstones. suddenly i was aware that i looked like geena davis ala beetlejuice, and that i would turn into wilma flinstone. everyone was trying to get into the arcade/ballroom part of the dead people again, and so i followed them trying to get in. we stayed in the light and so they couldnt go after us. then this kabuki/harajuku/lolita looking woman with a miniature doll/girl with her said we had to see osama bin laden. i told him to come to us instead.
osama turned out to be a george clooney look-alike. he gave us these huge fountain pens (more like large statue-like pen things) and some weird colored ink, and said we had to write the word “armageddon.” i guessed that he was trying to figure out who we used to be by our handwritng. people who couldnt or didnt write would start spouting ink everywhere on their bodies. (some people were also spelling it wrong) i wrote mine in yellow (not red) and almost immediately it started to disappear. i thought i was a goner. george/osama came up to me and recognized me from the corleone time: i cant tell if he was the evil guy or not, or if i was supposed to be his wife/gf or sister, but he recognized me and revealed this outfit he had on. it was latticed tights, with grandma underpants and this black jacket top with embroidered pearls. (very circus looking) he embraced me, and i was instantly wearing the same outfit. he gave me lace parasol and we started singing and dancing. i was feeling quite exhilarated and dancing and prancing (even flying) everywhere. then i jumped and flew through an open door just before it closed on him.
i was then in this office type settting. i tried to blend in immediately by pretending to be part of the office. i could here amy poehler and another snl guy saying the news: it was a broadcast station. i went to this girl jennifer’s desk and became her for a day. she had a computer screen where there were letters and pictures of her blind child. the people in the office made fun of me. the guy next to me had to make this radio show with funny caricatures of past presidents like clinton and bush. i put on these headphones that were oddly shaped and when he asked me what i was doing, i said they were a new design. then i went to this other computer screen and each time i pressed the button it would get closer and closer until i couldnt stop it.
then i was walking with the guy and we saw the big boss, who looked like some old actor dude that i cant remember now. he was blonde and had a beard and was slightly overweight. i started cracking jokes and he started to like me. especially when i made fun of this woman and her baby. we ended up kissing and sleeping together in this pool of water, when i came out in a towel these gay guys whistled and i was known as his mistress. all of a sudden i was in this bulky dress and had gloves, and then lost them.. i walked around the studio trying to find them and everyone was wearing these blankets. they were being marketed as the warmest blankets ever, and for that they had turned off all the heat. i found the boss huddled under a cardboard box and joined him. then i was off trying to find gloves again. i was looking in all these drawers with these other girls and could have easily taken any but i was looking for certain ones. i was having trouble so i yelled “macaroni” and this door appeared with this small guy with a moustache who i presumed to be god. he brought me into a steaming bathroom with a sauna, sinks, a huge shower, and a large bed with a comforter with people watching tv in it, but he said they all had a virus. so i left.
then i went to these other drawers where the bossess stuff was all laid out from his home. there were odd pieces and animal bones, and when i looked in the drawers, i saw fresh vegetables like celery and lettuce. then i knew i had to go to him again. i went and found the boss doing a newscast, and when he saw me he stopped talking, and we embraced, and i did this weird dance things and kicked up my legs, and we went at it with everyone around us (it was quite odd, like a musical) and then a baby appeared. ours. the baby kept annoying him during his newscast, but i thought it would be good for ratings so i just left it at that. the baby was crying and crawling near him, and i just looked on proud. then he started breast feeding the baby on camera and they fired him and hired a new guy.
i wanted him to keep me so we went back to his cubicle/office place where i tried to seduce him. there was this black whore waiting for him, and i threw her against the wall and started kicking the shit out of her and calling her a bitch, only in the end i was only kicking the wall itself. for the rest of the dream, it was as if i was behaving in this drunken stupor. i pressed a button and the room had these signs that asked what kind of bed i wanted to pop up. at first i wanted the twin bed, but then it said for only 40 dollars more i could get the large size so i did that. we got on the bed and i promised him i could find where bin laden was, because i was related to him. i took off all my clothes and seduced him in front of these huge windows, then started to get ready for the mission.
i put on a wig with short, straight black hair, pasted a “Tara” on my sweatshirt to signify who i was, and wore it off my shoulder, and threw on some tights and some really high kinky boots. i was sort of this madonna-esque diva. i walked into this office where R and some other people i knew were going to help me plan this party, and i basically acted like a diva. (i was also anxiously wondering if R was having the same dream i was at the very same moment, like we were participating in the same dream, and hopefully talk about it in the morning)
i walked through the room like madonna and sang lyrics to her songs. then we put on this music dance show. i danced to this song “bend it like beckham,” although i hardly knew the words. i could hardly dance either because of the klunky boots, and a music video was playing in the background with weird anime scenes of a geisha near a sunset. jimmy fallon was there to dance in the background with ribbon and lace, and i kept pointing out that he was there. my back up dancers were wearing black leather hot pants and white teeshirts and were famous actresses who had played blonde bombshells before.
i left in a grand fashion and in the hallway started tearing off about five or six pairs of different tights i had on. then i went to the boss’ room, dropped of the tights (cause i wanted to save them to wear later when i woke up-i wouldnt let the other girls get them) and tried to look for this scientology talisman he had. he came in and said i would never find it, then proceeded to call the police on me. i was finding all sort of religious paraphernalia pins, but not that one. i was getting worried and drew a picture of his small dick on the white board to annoy him. then we found it and tiptoed out to our secret hideout right next door while he was still one the phone.
i hooked up the talisman to the super computer, and something big and cataclysmic was supposed to happen when it was done loading. meanwhile. i noticed that there were some free DVD’s being given away and i hoarded them. then i heard A calling me and asking if i knew how the tv shows were going, and i said i had been drunk and didnt know anything. he said that wasnt an excuse and i should have signed my name and what was accomplished at the end of the night, because they needed to spend enough money of the budget to get a meeting with this “big network guy” on monday. i felt as if i was going to lose my job, as i was trying to talk with him, and then I woke up.
Labels: childhood, death, family, murder
