I may have not written in a while, and real life may be awful busy, but that doesn't mean my brain hasn't also run rampant with chaos. Here are some samplings of what I was able to jot down of my nightly musings:

- Had a dream that I was at a party and invited Bill Murray. He came. Everyone started playing a grammar game that we both didn't understand.

- Weird cult where they forced kids to have sex; I was running from machine gun fire in a town that was exploded in oatmeal. Later on in the dream I had to have a smack-down ala Street Fighter in this Japanese looking room with another girl. Threw her around like a rag doll.

March 10th
Was holding a baby pig; also was friend with these girls, found out later my mom had seen them dead in the playground, murdered by a pedophile; one of their legs was cut off, and they were stuck together like Siamese twins.

March 12th
Dream where i was in a huge art studio, and we were doing an exercise where i needed to make a summer themed puppet - I found a stuffed cheeseburger and tried to get matching cloth, but it wasn't working; also there was a point where i was friends with Lady Gaga and she was taking a shower in my grandma's old bathroom.

Labels: animals, Bill Murray, family, Lady Gaga, murder

| 8:20 AM |

This morning I had woken up around 4am from some really disturbing nightmares.

Wednesday, Jan. 26th
The first one, I was buying this moped...then I somehow ended up in this room where a guy was doing a sex tape with a girl. He ended up raping her, then skinning her. He went after me and the other people there with two saw blades, and we were trying to block him. We killed him and his body was dumped in the garbage.

To make things worse, there was a point in the dream where I found out my little sister had died of some disease or condition, and they had saved her bones in a paper bag. My mom had been reminiscing on the songs she used to sing when she was still alive.

At that point I woke up and I felt horrible fright. The murderous rampage in my dream had given me this feeling of horror, and the death had made me heavy with grief. It took a couple of moments for me to realize it wasn't real, but even so the affects still lingered. I felt a visceral fear.

I had another dream this morning that my work was having this get together after the day was done - I decided to go, as they promised it was like a YMCA club, where we could play poker and other games, and relax. The place looked cool. We walked there and someone turned on a shitty projector into this backyard lot. A bright green or yellow cot, shaped like a giant jelly bean, was on the lawn with another bench. It was boring, and to top it off we had to sleep outside. I was pissed that I had been dragged into it, and was worried about what time I would get home. I asked what time it was currently in the dream, and someone said 8:15. I then spent another few moments fixing the cot, as it's spandex cushion had detached from the sides (like that of a trampoline.)

What makes dreams still seem so real when you wake up? Is it that your brain hasn't come out of unconsciousness yet? Is the fear linked to things that happened that day, or something deeper?

Labels: death, fear, murder, nightmares, sleep

| 12:29 PM |

I had to repeat these dreams to myself multiple times this morning in the shower to keep from them slipping away from my memory. They kept flickering in and out of my mind. Luckily, I had the bright idea to write down keywords to help me keep them in mind for when I actually wrote them down.

I had three different ones last night/this morning!

March 12, 2010
- On Harmony Rd with Ryan and others talking about an alien encounter; also saw an injured fox crossing the road; met with my aunt and uncle on Salisbury, waiting for my parents to join us (was Harrison Ford here again?)

- Went to a party that my cousin was throwing for a friend int his warehouse looking beer joint in NJ; however, first the phone caught on fire, then someone tried to cook something and the stove went on fire. we pulled the fire alarm, and we all fled; i had my yellow leather purse and almost took one that looked just like it. outside looked like my old neighborhood behind us on Ravatt Rd; the people I was with disappeared underground. Suddenly I was a entrapped by an inner GPS system that would only let me look at things from above. I was in a car trying to get home, but it kept picking me up and dropping me into odd roads. It places me in the middle of nowhere and I had to hold my breath and go underwater, to see my neighborhood amidst watery muck as I tried to navigate through it before I lost my breath.

- Ryan and I were on the Q subway; a guy sat next to me and we were fighting as he was saying that I was taking up to much room; we were watching a movie with gratuitous violence...Sarah Silverman locked in a house while a killer tried axing his way though...she was clutching a stuffed bunny and hiding under the floorboards; then we saw the outside where the police were, and some crazy woman came out with a chainsaw and sliced halfway through a guy's head; fake looking red clear guts came out; later I realized this was a Tarantino movie .

Labels: animals, chainsaw, childhood, film, fire, fox, harrison ford, home, murder, Sarah Silverman, Tarantino, underwater

| 8:25 AM |

I've been sick for about three days now with god knows what. For those of you who have been in the throes of sickness, you understand that your dreams can get pret-ty crazy.

...And Winona shows up yet again! Who knew that I was subconsciously thinking about her...

(For another example of a medication-induced dream trip, visit an earlier post from around the same time last year after my wisdom tooth operation.)

Feb. 9, 2010 - had a dream i was in charge of doing nomination notes for oscars, and i had to do so for avatar. as i started watching the film i found myself in it. the story went as follows: ppl went into a weird capsule to record journal thoughts aloud, then it switched into a gym mode where you could play ball and exercise. the balls went haywire at one point on this guy, and the government realized that in order to keep it from malfunctioning you had to keep all your garbage and junk. this would eventually turn to dust however and be dangerous to humans. we went into a spacecraft and traveled forwards into the future by accident. we were in the same city but all the humans had perished (frozen in dust).

we found a few people still alive being transported to another planet for safety, but only 42 could go at a time. so we pretended to have different names and accents and met the government people. meanwhile, i found out that the movie tickets when peeled open became medical insurance cards with my dad's company name "Orange" on it. He decided to investigate as we laid low. We encountered a hospital worker who was freaking out as she was asked to treat a child because her children didn't have insurance. There was some creepy sick child imagery I kept seeing as she refused to help them. Don't remember much after that.

Also had a dream that I was walking around Italy with my family and we were walking somewhere and a car passed by. He said "Winona you ever got a ride in a car before?" He believed I was Winona Ryder. So we went with it, and my family played along. We ran up to him casually. I introduced my mom and pop, my aunt Addie, and my brother Tin King. (For some reason we were all hick-looking). I shook hands with the kid and his father and asked him what movie of mine he loved best. He said "The Gladiator". I said " I don't think that's one of mine, but that's O.K."

We piled into the backseat squished as I texted friends telling them i needed more Winona facts to keep the lie going. I also wondered if I should tell the kid to keep his mouth shut so he didn't start any gossip that got to the real Winona (I felt I owed her that much.)At the end of the dream we decided to ditch them while pretending to go to the water fountain.

Feb 9, 2010 - I was in a toy store (a deja vu from a previous dream I've had in the past) picking out toy dinosaurs with my family and remembering where everything was the last time: play food, plastic hamburgers, a shelf with some wood slats and some other pen thing. there was a group of 80s looking people on the floor watching something, i joined them. later on in the dream, R and I needed to buy a condom, but didnt want to arouse suspicion, so we decided to buy something else as well. for some reason we picked a $100 japanese scroll. at the register i changed my mind and got a harriet beecher stowe diary reprint, which also had diaries by other famous women in it.

the toy store then turned deserted and i had to hide from a willem defoe-type villian. I climbed a shelf and hid there. when he spotted me i jumped down and bounced from aisle top to aisle top like a samurai. i stabbed him with some dark sword and squeezed lemon juice on his wounds. i then went to the parking lot to try and stop his minion. he rode a horse, so i tried to spook it at every turn, getting him away from the entrance. finally he got into an oil tanker and rammed into a car leaking gasoline and it exploded.

Labels: animals, avatar, childhood, family, film, horse, murder, winona

| 3:35 PM |

Well, this one is from awhile ago. The only record I have is this AIM transcript of me explaining it to a friend. Another story I thought was a great idea for a film.....but ultimately wasn't.

sailorzortian: well this one is harder to remember
sailorzortian: cause my family was in it
sailorzortian: and we went back and forth from my house to this other house in the middle of nowhere
sailorzortian: there wasnt much of a flow most of the time
sailorzortian: but there never is in dreams i guess
sailorzortian: in it, we have a cornfield, and we live under the roots of trees, because the world ended or its deserted or something
sailorzortian: but this is all going on as a little game me and my sister are playing with a train we ride in my house
sailorzortian: but anyway, in this "town" my family and i are doing our thing, and we end up riding makeshift cars, and we run into another that has our lost baby trapped inside and this blonde woman
sailorzortian: and we try to apprehend her, and we get the baby, and then this king comes by and i grab the key he has, and we're kinda tossing it back and forth trying to get it ourselves
sailorzortian: so then some time passes, and the wind knocks down everyone else's crops and such
sailorzortian: and then we're watching this movie and i want to invite this guy i like inside (who has a goattee) but my dad says no because he looks at his eyes and sees he's been smoking weed, and tells me he wins poker that way
sailorzortian: so he goes away, and im mad
sailorzortian: and then later on more ppl come to our village, and my grandma lets this pregnant woman sleep in our home
sailorzortian: and other villagers come
sailorzortian: and there's something weird going on
sailorzortian: so i go inside the hardware store and these ghost girls are looking for me, and i can disappear for some reason
sailorzortian: and i go upstairs and the guy i like is telling me not to tell anyone because he's made a deal with these ghost/ghouls
sailorzortian: and they're all around
sailorzortian: and i try to ring a bell to notify ppl but he stops me
sailorzortian: and this head nearby starts chanting "its true, tara, its true"
sailorzortian: and then i realize the place is haunted, and people start closing their houses when they see skeletons hanging out of the attic windows
sailorzortian: and then we all get together at this market
sailorzortian: and these two old guys are stirring milk and wondering what to do about the ghosts
sailorzortian: and one goes into this bathroom to poop, and the other figures it out to put this stuff in the milk to ward them away
sailorzortian: and everyone comes in and cheers and the guy who was in the bathroom comes back and takes a sip and we all wait quietly and anxiously
sailorzortian: and he says he cant even tell its in the milk
sailorzortian: and we cheer some more
sailorzortian: and then the ghosts get angry and start to attack, and i see the guy i like with a knife coming at me
sailorzortian: i dodge him and kick his friend in the jaw
sailorzortian: then i retrieve the knife and slice him on the chest and let him go, yelling at him and being sad
sailorzortian: so then i realize we can call the king guy to help us and i gather the townspeople together and tell them my idea, but when i ask who will do it, they all back away
sailorzortian: i choose this dog on a leash as a volunteer and he wimpers
sailorzortian: and then they tell me i should go
sailorzortian: and all push me forward
sailorzortian: and then i have to go
sailorzortian: so for some reason its me and my sister in my living room driving this tot size train
sailorzortian: and we go and we get to this intersection where we've stopped
sailorzortian: and a bunch of cars are coming, like a whole line of em
sailorzortian: and inside them, i see they have these antique dolls from their ancestors
sailorzortian: and the dolls start coming alive and marching out of the boxes and they have to run over all of them cause its the spirits and ghosts you know
sailorzortian: and then i remember my grandma saying that it was a version of a really good cartoon, when im back at home on the train, but i know it was part of a bigger "movie"
sailorzortian: and then my sister parks the train and i wake up
sailorzortian: it was a weird dream

Labels: animals, childhood, dog, family, film, ghosts, key, king, milk, murder, train

| 2:47 PM |

I saved this whammy of a dream for it's own post. I'm still amazed that I was able to recount four pages worth of detailed epic dreams after waking up. No acid needed, but it sure seems like it could have been...

Morning of March 22, 2008
Here is how the dream started (or so I remember...): I was running down our street with Lili and some other people, and we were being bombarded by footballs. We were covering our heads and trying not to get hit. When we to home we told mom that it was some guy, and she wanted to find him and reprimand him, but i was afraid because he was kind of weird, and i thought he would try to do something rash. he drove by in a hess truck and we all scattered. he gave us a really weird look. from there, we were visiting H who lived in aunt P and uncle A’s old house. she was telling us about the spaceship on her roof, and had this little robot dog thing that was kind of cute. then we were hanging up clothes when aunt P and uncle A really did show up. at some point in the dream i was at an apartment building and showing cell phone videos of me floating/flying to cousin M, and then on the apartment roof there was a guy who was really happy that he had found out how to ricochet tennis balls off of the wall as they shot out of the cannon thing.

then i was caught up in the corleone family: there was a kid who was sitting next to these two guys, pulled out a gun and shot them. they were trying to figure out who it was. he was this other family’s kid. he was lost in the amount of people going by. i was one of the sisters, and he was trying to get me and my sister to go to his party, and i suppose he was expecting one of us to be his wife. i think at some point he mentioned that she was one who would be great to sleep with, and i would be great to spend life with. i scoffed at his advances. we were all going into this truck, but we had to make sure this little dog stayed in it. then we all got in. we drove to this store where these weird antiques were sold by an aunt. i was looking at them and getting a weird feeling when this guy said something and i turned around and it was christian bale. he said he was just a servant, and walked away. i couldnt find him again. we all ran back into the truck just in time. then we all scattered.

i went into this house that had an eerie feeling. turned out it was where we were all going to enter the underworld (in other words die). cerberus, the dog, followed us in, and started eating some of the people, then he came to our room, and commanded us to put our heads on the ground under this bone rack so he could slit our throats. i was crying and afraid, because he had to shove these needle gloves in us to keep us from squirming. one of his minions felt bad so he tried to help me shove them in. apparently then I died without going through that torture, and I followed the rest of these dead people into this door which led to a bunch of rooms. one with disappearing walls/stairs i had to climb over, then to this mirror and an elevator. the people in the elevator told me where to go. it opened up to this arcade room, with games and other dead people. it was really busy. little imaginary ghouls kept clutching my legs and crotch and chest, and wouldnt let go. i saw I there and we did this weird dance mimicking a tv show people were watching, i was having an okay time until i saw that there was this warehouse where you could go and see old photographs of yourself from when you were alive. it was arranged by date. for some reason, i wanted to go to 1961 to find my mom, but i ended up looking for mine. a lot of them were just wooden frames, from the middle ages. when i came open my box, it was a note i had written my mom with a zort drawn on it, and a discarded (looked like a hard drive) box where i had written stuff, including members of my family. it got me so nostalgic that i started crying and i spent all my time looking for more, cause i wanted to see if i could save them before they went in the garbage. then i took a shower, and when i came out, everyone was gone.

i had stayed in too long and now i was lost. i had no clothes; i was just wearing a towel. i saw other dead people walking around like homeless people without clothes. all i could do was try to marry someone so i would be taken care of. i stumbled upon this guy (looked like a famous comedian) who had been reincarnated into an elk, and he thought i had been reincarnated into a cow. he ordered a bunch of food, like bugs, which i had to eat. then barney rubble and betty rubble came over (only in live action form) as if we were the flinstones. suddenly i was aware that i looked like geena davis ala beetlejuice, and that i would turn into wilma flinstone. everyone was trying to get into the arcade/ballroom part of the dead people again, and so i followed them trying to get in. we stayed in the light and so they couldnt go after us. then this kabuki/harajuku/lolita looking woman with a miniature doll/girl with her said we had to see osama bin laden. i told him to come to us instead.

osama turned out to be a george clooney look-alike. he gave us these huge fountain pens (more like large statue-like pen things) and some weird colored ink, and said we had to write the word “armageddon.” i guessed that he was trying to figure out who we used to be by our handwritng. people who couldnt or didnt write would start spouting ink everywhere on their bodies. (some people were also spelling it wrong) i wrote mine in yellow (not red) and almost immediately it started to disappear. i thought i was a goner. george/osama came up to me and recognized me from the corleone time: i cant tell if he was the evil guy or not, or if i was supposed to be his wife/gf or sister, but he recognized me and revealed this outfit he had on. it was latticed tights, with grandma underpants and this black jacket top with embroidered pearls. (very circus looking) he embraced me, and i was instantly wearing the same outfit. he gave me lace parasol and we started singing and dancing. i was feeling quite exhilarated and dancing and prancing (even flying) everywhere. then i jumped and flew through an open door just before it closed on him.

i was then in this office type settting. i tried to blend in immediately by pretending to be part of the office. i could here amy poehler and another snl guy saying the news: it was a broadcast station. i went to this girl jennifer’s desk and became her for a day. she had a computer screen where there were letters and pictures of her blind child. the people in the office made fun of me. the guy next to me had to make this radio show with funny caricatures of past presidents like clinton and bush. i put on these headphones that were oddly shaped and when he asked me what i was doing, i said they were a new design. then i went to this other computer screen and each time i pressed the button it would get closer and closer until i couldnt stop it.

then i was walking with the guy and we saw the big boss, who looked like some old actor dude that i cant remember now. he was blonde and had a beard and was slightly overweight. i started cracking jokes and he started to like me. especially when i made fun of this woman and her baby. we ended up kissing and sleeping together in this pool of water, when i came out in a towel these gay guys whistled and i was known as his mistress. all of a sudden i was in this bulky dress and had gloves, and then lost them.. i walked around the studio trying to find them and everyone was wearing these blankets. they were being marketed as the warmest blankets ever, and for that they had turned off all the heat. i found the boss huddled under a cardboard box and joined him. then i was off trying to find gloves again. i was looking in all these drawers with these other girls and could have easily taken any but i was looking for certain ones. i was having trouble so i yelled “macaroni” and this door appeared with this small guy with a moustache who i presumed to be god. he brought me into a steaming bathroom with a sauna, sinks, a huge shower, and a large bed with a comforter with people watching tv in it, but he said they all had a virus. so i left.

then i went to these other drawers where the bossess stuff was all laid out from his home. there were odd pieces and animal bones, and when i looked in the drawers, i saw fresh vegetables like celery and lettuce. then i knew i had to go to him again. i went and found the boss doing a newscast, and when he saw me he stopped talking, and we embraced, and i did this weird dance things and kicked up my legs, and we went at it with everyone around us (it was quite odd, like a musical) and then a baby appeared. ours. the baby kept annoying him during his newscast, but i thought it would be good for ratings so i just left it at that. the baby was crying and crawling near him, and i just looked on proud. then he started breast feeding the baby on camera and they fired him and hired a new guy.

i wanted him to keep me so we went back to his cubicle/office place where i tried to seduce him. there was this black whore waiting for him, and i threw her against the wall and started kicking the shit out of her and calling her a bitch, only in the end i was only kicking the wall itself. for the rest of the dream, it was as if i was behaving in this drunken stupor. i pressed a button and the room had these signs that asked what kind of bed i wanted to pop up. at first i wanted the twin bed, but then it said for only 40 dollars more i could get the large size so i did that. we got on the bed and i promised him i could find where bin laden was, because i was related to him. i took off all my clothes and seduced him in front of these huge windows, then started to get ready for the mission.

i put on a wig with short, straight black hair, pasted a “Tara” on my sweatshirt to signify who i was, and wore it off my shoulder, and threw on some tights and some really high kinky boots. i was sort of this madonna-esque diva. i walked into this office where R and some other people i knew were going to help me plan this party, and i basically acted like a diva. (i was also anxiously wondering if R was having the same dream i was at the very same moment, like we were participating in the same dream, and hopefully talk about it in the morning)

i walked through the room like madonna and sang lyrics to her songs. then we put on this music dance show. i danced to this song “bend it like beckham,” although i hardly knew the words. i could hardly dance either because of the klunky boots, and a music video was playing in the background with weird anime scenes of a geisha near a sunset. jimmy fallon was there to dance in the background with ribbon and lace, and i kept pointing out that he was there. my back up dancers were wearing black leather hot pants and white teeshirts and were famous actresses who had played blonde bombshells before.

i left in a grand fashion and in the hallway started tearing off about five or six pairs of different tights i had on. then i went to the boss’ room, dropped of the tights (cause i wanted to save them to wear later when i woke up-i wouldnt let the other girls get them) and tried to look for this scientology talisman he had. he came in and said i would never find it, then proceeded to call the police on me. i was finding all sort of religious paraphernalia pins, but not that one. i was getting worried and drew a picture of his small dick on the white board to annoy him. then we found it and tiptoed out to our secret hideout right next door while he was still one the phone.

i hooked up the talisman to the super computer, and something big and cataclysmic was supposed to happen when it was done loading. meanwhile. i noticed that there were some free DVD’s being given away and i hoarded them. then i heard A calling me and asking if i knew how the tv shows were going, and i said i had been drunk and didnt know anything. he said that wasnt an excuse and i should have signed my name and what was accomplished at the end of the night, because they needed to spend enough money of the budget to get a meeting with this “big network guy” on monday. i felt as if i was going to lose my job, as i was trying to talk with him, and then I woke up.

Labels: childhood, death, family, murder

| 3:04 PM |

Just a note for future posts: I have used only first letters in all names mentioned in my dream records so that subjects remain anonymous. After all, this ain't no gossip site!

What this site IS for is me - and occasionally, if others are moved to do so, an open forum for contemplation on the themes that seem to arise in my dreams (and the dreams of others.) I love hearing about other people's dreams and love sharing my crazy ones with those who might them find them as useful fodder for conversations in which one must try to appear interesting. ^_^

One more note: I'm usually pretty good about remembering dreams in full, detail and in turn, recording them in prose. If I am in a hurry and just want to get the dream down before I forget, I write down key actions or nouns to expand upon later. In the case of these older ones, it's a bit more difficult to do so. You may have to put up with a bunch of seemingly unrelated phrases and words. Eh makes it more fun.

Aug 5, 2007 - This past weekend I finally started having dreams that I could remember again. In the first one, I was in New York or some city, and I was in a “band” for some reason with M. He was hanging out with N a lot, so I was getting pretty pissed off. But then, when I confronted him about it, he said that he never stopped thinking about me and didn’t know how to say it. He didn’t know if I felt the same way. Then he said he really felt like we had a connection. So we left the place and ran around trying to sleep together somewhere, even trying the street. We were caught by B, and he was really angry that we ditched the band so we had to be apart for awhile. The rest of the dream was me looking back on how we first met (in a kiddie pool????) with me in a bathing suit. We were at this house where a woman was trying to poison her children with cake and I was trying to kill her. There was for some reason a company picnic going on then.

The next was one in which I was at a pool with a bunch of people. At some point in the dream I got to this class where there are French people, and I have teach them about reading menus. They are amazed that Americans have so much to choose from. Then this person leaves a block of drugs and me and this other group of people know we have to smuggle it out. I’m really angry that I have to do this, and I realize that my "boyfriend" is the one who set me up.....N. We get to this place where he’s on a computer. It resembles his face, but its different, but I know its him. I get so angry I go after him and start beating him up for betraying me and making me do it.

I also had a dream where I was riding the Staten Island Ferry and I was almost going crazy, sleeping with different people and not knowing where to turn. I was trying to get into this museum, but I wasn't allowed. Then Prof found my diaries and he published them in a book, and even crashed Paris Hilton’s birthday party to announce it t the whole town. I couldn't wait to tell my family that i had been published; it was like i was meant to do it all my life, and I felt this immense satisfaction. i needed to get back the original book though, cause it was given to me by J, and he had written a note on the back cover.

The next dream wasn't as sad. I had a dream that I was at this kid S from kindergarten's house, and he was grown up a little. I was trying to remember the place from when I actually went there, and I went around the yard to look at all the places we stood and talked and stuff. I couldn’t find any carvings from when we were there, but there were lots from other people. M was there in towel, and they had made the place up since I’d been there. I was sad because it seems like he hadn't remembered me, his first “crush.” Every other girl had their name up there. It wasn't sad though. It was pretty nice to remember it.

Labels: 2007, childhood, dream, ferry, food, murder, staten island

| 1:55 PM |

So here's the story behind "Dreamscapes" (there isn't much of one, but I'll take a whack at it anywho.) I have always had very lucid dreams, usually more that one at a time. They're most likely fueled by my subconscious worrying/anxiety/excitement/thoughts from the day and then morphed into symbols and epic stories that leave me curiously baffled in the morning.

Some have helped me strengthen my emotional and mental health. Others are fodder for my writing and film work. I have even be able to actively control my dreams while still asleep. For the most part, they remain as lingering glimpses into another dimension of my mind that I am only privy to when I close my eyes.

I'm a little behind, since I just started this thing. I actually have noticed that lately my dreams are harder to remember. So I figure I'd start out with going back in time with a few dream records (an archive if you will).

Then if things pop up, I'll be sure to add them after they invade my sleeping hours.

Labels: 2007, animals, caravan, childhood, clothing, dream, jurassic park, money, murder, template, test

| 1:19 PM |